Hi everyone! Sorry if this isn’t appropriate for this sub, but I wanted to bring the question to Reddit since this year I am attending my first ever bachelorette party and am a little frustrated and looking for some advice.A close friend asked me to attend her bachelorette party this fall and I was soooo excited. We are not close enough for me to be in the wedding party, but I’m happy she still wanted me there for the celebration beforehand.Communication between everyone involved has not been great and it has led to the entire event being a major financial stressor for me. It started fine- the bride asked if I wanted to attend, she gave me basic details (a weekend at a lake house), I said yes I’d love to go, and then heard nothing more... until the maid of honor sent a group message asking everyone to send her money by the end of the day in order to secure a place for us to stay. I was a little taken aback and hadn’t budgeted for it, but chalked it up to the maid of honor finding a great deal and wanting to secure it ASAP. But then this became the normal thing- the last couple weeks she has sent messages asking for payments for things like kayak rentals, transportation for a bar crawl, and lots of little things. Always phrased as a reminder that money is due today, or this week, or whenever. I finally asked the maid of honor in a private message asking what was going on and saying I was confused, where are all these costs coming from? She said there was a whole separate group where the bridal party was planning the events, and then they would share payment info with the full group of people attending. She said it was to avoid adding stress to the people that weren’t in the bridal party and avoid bothering them with details. However, it gives me a great deal of anxiety never knowing when money is expected and I am not financially stable enough to be spending hundreds of dollars at a moment’s notice.Since I haven’t been invited to a bachelorette party before, is it normal people to plan in one group and not involve everyone in decisions regarding events, itineraries, and costs? Is it kind of just assumed that costs are negligible because you’re celebrating and this is one last bash?If I had known the weekend was going to add up like this, I don’t think I would have accepted the invite as quickly as I did. I am trying to pay for grad school and I have not been working as frequently due to COVID. At this point I have already paid for a room for 2 nights, a kayak reservation/rental, and have been asked to contribute to a party bus and gift for the bride as well as help everyone else pay for her drinks and expenses throughout the weekend. This does not include any other ideas the bridal party comes up with between now and September, or meals (which they are planning on going out for 3x a day and can add up quickly).So this leads to my other question- is it acceptable for me to back out now? Or would it be worse/more rude to negotiate something like attending one of the days but not the others? I would not ask for money back since that wouldn’t be fair to everyone else that’s already paid on the assumption it’d be split by another person, and I’d unfortunately lose a decent amount, but I know it would save me more in the long run.I feel incredibly guilty even thinking about backing out as this bachelorette party is for a very good friend and I don’t want things to be awkward between us (and I want to celebrate! I think the weekend will be so fun!). But I am not sure if the financial stress will be worth it in the long run, especially since I have no idea what other expenses may pop up in the mean time (personally or for the party).Wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? People who are getting married or people planning parties like this, would you be offended if someone dropped out? Again I am sorry if this is not the best sub but thank you for any advice! via /r/weddingplanning https://ift.tt/3bO7rXi
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