I flipped.

Hi!I'm (27F) having so many sleepless nights. Engaged since 24 sept 2020, and since then there's been *pressure*. I got to find an outfit asap, according to my sister and mother. I wanted to order online, they wanted to shop ( sigh, fine). I wanted a jumpsuit or two-piece or suit, now I have a dress.​That's where my mind just flipped.I love the dress, it's super pretty. But I don't feel like 'myself' ( though 'myself' is a very fluid concept for me. One day I think this, the next that. and MY GOD has this process made it worse.) I don't see my partner ( 31M, of 8 years) standing next to me. ( imo he should wear something like a suit or dressy-pants if I wear that dress and he really doesn't like those. also, really not his personality. And I don't want to change him. I don't see myself running around in a forest with this dress.Somehow we ended in my mom's backyard with 20 people ( a few days ago I made the decision to cut all the kids off the list. It was tough. I don't want to be a bitch. but I did it.)Somehow I'm planning catering and linnen and ... all I wanted was coffee and cake in a coffeeshop in the city. In my jumpsuit. ( My partner doesn't like that with 20 people, only with witnesses he's ok with that)​We both started with: municipal-office, me in a jumpsuit, my partner in a chino of some sorts with a dresshirt, me with flowers, I really want flowers. My hair & make-up done, just some chill breakfast in bed, go to the office with the parents as witnesses and eat some cake and drink some coffee at our local coffeeshop. Then say bye and go to the forrest. And sleep in a magical treehouse and have Gordon Ramsey make us dinner ( hehe, new girl).​Now... what? We both have 4 siblings, mine are married with children. It feels kinda weird not to let them be there but tbh I just want to sign the goddamn paper and eat cake. but 'that's not special enough' according to my mom and two sisters. I also would feel kinda left out if one of my brothers would get married and I wasnt invited. Then again... if no one is invited.... I do want to share that moment. Just not our whole day. With white linnens.​I'm feeling exhausted and puke-y.​​the dress​the back ( though it would be made less low back so I can wear a bra with those low-bra-straps) via /r/weddingplanning https://ift.tt/38LQMl8